Why Is It So Hard to Let Ourselves Feel Joy?

A man deeply immersed in his work, burdened by stress, misses the opportunity to embrace moments of joy around him.

Have you ever caught yourself holding back a smile? Swallowing laughter? Feeling the lightness of joy bubbling up inside—only to tamp it down, distract yourself, or dismiss it as “not important right now”?

You’re not alone.

For so many of us, feeling genuine joy isn’t easy. In fact, it can feel downright uncomfortable. We talk about wanting to be happy, to savor the beauty of life, yet when moments of joy come along, we often tense up or look for the next thing to worry about. But why is joy—something so fundamental and essential to being human—so hard to allow?

The Roots of Joy-Avoidance

At the heart of it, joy can feel dangerous. We may have grown up learning that joy is fleeting, fragile, or somehow not for us. We’ve been conditioned to believe that if we let ourselves get “too happy,” the other shoe will drop. Loss, disappointment, or hurt will inevitably follow. Better to keep our joy on a short leash, to avoid the pain of it slipping away.

There’s also the voice of responsibility:

• “You’re being childish.”

• “You have work to do.”

• “Don’t get distracted by fun.”

• “It’s selfish to just enjoy yourself.”

• “What if others think you’re not serious enough?”

  
  

We’re taught—directly or indirectly—that joy is frivolous, silly, or even irresponsible. Sometimes we avoid it to keep ourselves “safe” from judgment, or because it feels like we’re not allowed to step out of the roles we’ve been handed.

The Cost of Denying Joy

But here’s the thing: when we avoid joy, we’re also avoiding connection—to ourselves, to others, and to the world around us. Joy is not just a feeling; it’s a bridge. It’s the energy that lights up our sense of wonder, pulls us closer to the people and places we love, and reminds us that we are alive—not just surviving, but truly living.

When we deny ourselves joy, we disconnect from the fullness of our experience. We keep ourselves small, contained, and careful. And over time, life can feel dull, gray, and disconnected—no matter how “productive” or “responsible” we are.

What If Joy Is the Point?

What if the purpose of life isn’t just to get through the day, check off the to-do list, or avoid pain? What if the real magic is in those sparkling, ordinary moments of joy—feeling the sun on your skin, laughing until you cry, letting yourself get lost in a song, savoring a bite of something delicious, or simply letting yourself be?

Joy isn’t a distraction. It’s not irresponsible. It’s the color in the painting, the music in the silence, the connection that makes us human.

A joyful moment captured by the sea, as the man beams with happiness while giving his partner a playful piggyback ride.

Embracing Joy, One Moment at a Time

It takes courage to let yourself feel it. Joy means risking disappointment, letting your heart open, and showing up—fully and vulnerably—for your own life. It means reclaiming the right to experience delight, to sink into beauty, and to let joy be just as important as any other feeling.

What would it be like to trust that you deserve joy? To notice the small sparks of it throughout your day and allow them to grow? To remember that joy doesn’t have to last forever to be real—and that allowing yourself to feel it, even for a moment, is one of the bravest things you can do.

Here’s to giving ourselves permission to enjoy life—not because we’ve “earned it,” but because it’s what makes life worth living.

With you in the messy middle,

Sarah