Unmasking Ourselves: Why We Wear Masks and How to Live in Authenticity

In a powerful moment of revelation, a figure stands on stage, removing a mask to unveil their authentic self, embodying the magic of embracing one's true identity.

We all wear masks. Sometimes they’re bold and elaborate, sometimes nearly invisible—even to ourselves. Masking is the art of showing the world a version of ourselves that feels safer, more acceptable, or better adapted to our surroundings. It’s a survival skill honed over years, often beginning in childhood, and it can be both a superpower and a shackle.

What Does Masking Really Mean?

Masking is the act of hiding, altering, or suppressing aspects of our true selves to fit in, avoid judgment, or stay safe—emotionally or even physically. This might look like people-pleasing, toning down your emotions, shifting your interests to match the group, or even pretending to be okay when you’re not. For some, masking is a way to navigate a world that feels threatening, unpredictable, or unkind. For others, it’s simply a habit formed by repeated experiences of not being accepted for who they are.

How Masking Serves Us

Masks are not inherently bad. They are protective, adaptive tools. Sometimes, putting on a mask is how we survive a difficult family dynamic, navigate a challenging workplace, or avoid social rejection. Masks can:

- Help us belong in new or uncertain environments

- Protect us from emotional harm or social consequences

- Enable us to “get through” situations when our true self feels too vulnerable

For neurodivergent folks, masking is often a finely tuned skill used to move through a world designed for different brains. For trauma survivors, masking may have once been the only way to stay safe.

The Costs of Masking

But what happens when the mask never comes off? Long-term masking can lead to:

- Exhaustion and burnout

- Disconnection from your own needs and desires

- Difficulty forming real, meaningful relationships

- Anxiety, depression, and a lingering sense that you’re never “enough” as you are

The mask that once protected us can start to suffocate us. We lose touch with our own roots, forgetting where we end and the mask begins. Living behind a mask can feel like being stuck in a costume that’s two sizes too small—constricting, uncomfortable, and not truly ours.

Why Masking Works—Until It Doesn’t

Masking works in the short-term because it meets our deep need for acceptance, safety, and belonging. But it also keeps us from genuine connection, both with ourselves and with others. When we only show the world our carefully curated masks, we teach others (and ourselves) that the real us isn’t safe, lovable, or worthy of being seen.

The Heart of My Work: Unearthing the Self Beneath the Mask

This is the core of so much of my coaching work—gently unearthing and clarifying who you truly are beneath the layers. Together, we explore the stories, patterns, and beliefs that shaped your masks, and bravely ask:

- Who am I, when no one else is watching?

- What do I actually want and need?

- What would it mean to live in my truth, rather than my survival patterns?

It’s courageous work, requiring honesty, curiosity, and self-compassion. In this process, you learn not just how to remove your masks, but how to honor the wisdom that built them—then choose, with awareness, when and where to live in your fullest, most vibrant truth.

Learning When to Wear the Mask—and When to Drop It

The goal isn’t to rip off every mask and shout our rawest truths at every turn. Sometimes, masks are necessary. They’re a boundary, a shield, a strategic tool. The real work is learning discernment:

- When does this mask serve me?

- When is it a barrier to authentic living?

Living in Authenticity

Authenticity isn’t about being “unfiltered” at all costs. It’s about living in alignment with your values, your truth, and your needs as often as you can. It’s about giving yourself permission to unmask in safe spaces, to find or create relationships where your real self is welcomed and celebrated. It’s about reconnecting to your own inner fire and trusting that the world needs the spark only you can bring.

Reflection

Ask yourself:

- Where in my life am I most likely to wear a mask?

- What am I afraid would happen if I took it off?

- Where and with whom do I feel safe enough to show up as my whole self?

Unmasking is not a one-time event—it’s a lifelong journey, a dance between vulnerability and protection, boldness and discernment. The more we practice, the more we find we can breathe freely, root down, and let our true selves rise.

With you in the messy middle,

Sarah