The Filter in Your Mind: How Overthinking and Ruminating Cloud the Truth

A silhouette of a person's head is enveloped in swirling clouds of anxious thoughts, symbolizing the cycle of overthinking as the mind revisits past experiences.

Have you ever found yourself replaying the same conversation in your mind on a relentless loop? Picking apart every word, every pause, every tiny micro-expression? Maybe you’ve caught yourself building entire stories about what someone meant, why they said (or didn’t say) something, and what it must mean about you, them, and the relationship.

Welcome to the exhausting world of ruminating and over-thinking—a place I know all too well, and I’ll bet you do too.

Why We Get Stuck in the Spin Cycle

Our brains are meaning-making machines. We’re wired to make sense of the world, and when something feels uncertain or confusing—especially in our relationships—our minds jump into detective mode.

But here’s the catch: the “evidence” we collect and the conclusions we reach aren’t always reality. They’re colored by the filter of our own life experiences, beliefs, core wounds, and yep—our Reticular Activating System (RAS).

The RAS is basically the brain’s gatekeeper. It sifts through all the information we encounter and lets through only what matches what we already believe or what we’re focusing on. If you’ve ever bought a red car and suddenly noticed red cars everywhere, that’s your RAS in action.

Now, imagine your brain is focused on “I’m not enough,” “I’m too much,” or “People always leave.” Suddenly, every ambiguous text, every missed call, every distracted look from a partner feels loaded with meaning. The RAS highlights what matches your existing narrative and filters out what doesn’t.

The Danger of Assumptions

When we’re in a cycle of rumination, we aren’t seeing reality. We’re seeing a reality filtered through our personal history, wounds, and fears. The stories we build can feel so convincing that we act on them—sometimes sabotaging relationships, making big decisions based on a misunderstanding, or shutting down when we need connection most.

I’ve seen it in my own life, and in the lives of my clients, over and over. We’re wired to want clarity and safety, but left unchecked, over-thinking creates the very opposite. It leaves us isolated in our own echo chamber, certain of a truth that might not exist outside our own mind.

Silent storm: Overthinking without words leads to growing distance in relationships.

How to Get Out of the Mental Swamp: Communicate to Clarify

Here’s the antidote: Communicate. Not from a place of accusation or defensiveness, but with curiosity and courage. Instead of assuming, ask. Instead of spinning out stories, check in. Instead of letting the murkiness breed disconnection, be brave enough to say, “Hey, I’m feeling unsure about what happened earlier—can we talk about it?”

You’d be amazed at how much lighter life feels when you step out of the echo chamber and into honest conversation. Sometimes the story we’ve built is a complete work of fiction. Sometimes there is something to talk about, but at least now you’re working with reality, not a tangle of old beliefs and unchecked fears.

It’s not always easy—especially when vulnerability feels like risk. But I promise, clarity is freedom. Your mind will quiet when you stop letting your RAS run the show and start inviting in real, grounded connection.

With you in the messy middle,

Sarah