Sitting With the Storm: Vulnerability, Intimacy, and the Wounds That Resurface

Embracing past wounds to find healing, as a phoenix subtly emerges in the shadows.

Vulnerability gets a lot of lip service in the self-growth world. We throw around phrases like “open your heart” and “lean into discomfort,” but when it comes down to actually letting yourself be seen—messy, aching, and unsure—there’s nothing easy or tidy about it.

If I’m honest, vulnerability still scares me. It’s not just about sharing the pretty parts, the wisdom gained, or the lessons learned. It’s about exposing the raw nerves beneath all that, especially in the places where our deepest wounds still live.

Recently, one of my oldest core wounds—the belief that I am fundamentally unlovable—came roaring back. It’s the wound I thought I had already healed. I’d done the work, had the epiphanies, written the letters, and gathered all the insights. But vulnerability has a way of shining a spotlight on what’s left, on the dregs that hide in the corners of our hearts.

Why Does Vulnerability Feel So Hard?

Let’s be real: vulnerability is terrifying because it opens us up to the very things we fear most—rejection, judgment, abandonment, and the possibility that our wounds are right about us. Emotional intimacy is beautiful, but it also means letting someone close enough to see the cracks and scars.

When we edge closer to true connection, old wounds can resurface. Sometimes it’s subtle—a pang of insecurity, an urge to pull back, a voice whispering, “You’re too much,” or “You don’t really belong here.” Other times, it’s a full-on storm that sweeps you off your feet, triggering old patterns: running, shutting down, self-sabotage.

Recognizing When Old Wounds Are at Play

If you’ve found yourself feeling anxious, defensive, or suddenly “not yourself” when you get close to someone—emotionally or physically—pause for a moment. Ask yourself:

• What am I really afraid of here?

• Does this feeling belong to this moment, or is it an echo from the past?

• What’s the story my old wound is trying to tell me right now?

For me, recognizing the “I am unlovable” wound when it pops up is half the battle. It doesn’t mean I’ve failed. It means I’m being given a new opportunity to heal—at a deeper level.

Sitting With the Feelings (Instead of Running)

Here’s the truth: you can’t outthink or outwork your wounds. You can’t numb, avoid, or “positive vibes only” your way past them. The only way is through.

Sitting with vulnerability means letting yourself feel it all—the ache, the fear, the longing, the old urge to run or armor up. It means breathing through the discomfort, staying present, and reaching out for support when you need it. It’s about letting yourself be seen in your messiness and trusting that you’re worthy of love, not in spite of your wounds, but with them.

Moving Through: Healing as a Spiral

Healing isn’t a straight line; it’s a spiral. You’ll revisit the same wounds, but each time with a little more wisdom, a little more strength, and a little more compassion for yourself.

If you find yourself in the messy middle—raw, exposed, unsure—know that you’re not alone. Vulnerability is not weakness. It’s the bravest thing you can do.

With you in the messy middle,

Sarah