Core Wounds: The Hidden Drivers of Our Lives

A glowing connection: The lasting impact of childhood experiences on adult emotions.

We all carry invisible stories—wounds from our earliest experiences that continue to shape the way we see ourselves, others, and the world. These “core wounds” aren’t just fleeting hurts; they are the foundational beliefs etched into us from childhood, shaped by our families, caregivers, and the world around us. They live under the surface, whispering narratives like “I am not enough,” “I am unlovable,” “I am unsafe,” or “I don’t matter.”

Where do these core wounds come from?

Most are rooted in early childhood experiences—moments of neglect, criticism, abandonment, or simply misattunement (when a caregiver couldn’t meet our needs, even if unintentionally). Sometimes, they come from big traumas; other times, from a thousand small moments where our needs for safety, love, acceptance, or validation weren’t fully met. Over time, these experiences become the blueprint for our sense of self and our place in the world.

How do they show up in our lives?

Core wounds rarely announce themselves outright. Instead, they drive our reactions on autopilot—causing us to withdraw, lash out, people-please, or numb ourselves when those old, familiar feelings are triggered. You might find yourself overreacting to a small criticism, feeling paralyzed by rejection, or sabotaging relationships, all without understanding why. The wound is pulling the strings, operating from the shadows.

What happens as we become aware?

Awareness is the first light in the dark. When we start to recognize our own core wounds, we can begin to separate the past from the present. We learn to pause, notice the story running in the background, and question whether it’s really true. Healing comes from meeting these wounds with compassion, allowing ourselves to feel and process the emotions we once had to hide.

But what if they come back?

Healing is rarely a straight line. Even after deep inner work, core wounds can resurface—sometimes when we least expect it. Stress, new relationships, losses, or even moments of joy can poke at those old scars, and suddenly, the old behaviors and beliefs roar back into the driver’s seat. This doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human. Healing is about learning to catch yourself sooner, to offer gentleness rather than shame, and to remember that every step forward matters.

You are not your wounds.

The stories you carry may have shaped you, but they do not define your worth or your future. With awareness, support, and a willingness to face what hurts, you can learn new ways of being—ways that honor who you truly are, not just who you had to become to survive.

With you in the messy middle,

Sarah