Core Wounds Series: The “I Am Unworthy” Wound

There’s a heaviness that sits on the chest for many of us—a deep-seated sense that no matter how much we do, achieve, or give, it will never quite be enough. This is the “I am unworthy” wound: the belief that you don’t deserve love, care, belonging, or good things—simply because of who you are.

A thoughtful child gazes into the distance, reflecting the complexity of childhood and the lasting impact of mixed messages on self-worth.

Where It Begins

The “I am unworthy” wound often forms in childhood, sometimes in ways so subtle you might miss them. Maybe your needs or feelings were dismissed, or love was given only when you performed, excelled, or kept the peace. Perhaps comparison was ever-present: a sibling always praised, or a parent’s attention just out of reach. The message was absorbed: “Others matter more. I must earn my place.”

How It Shows Up—Inside and Out

Internally:

• An endless pressure to prove yourself—at work, in relationships, even with yourself

• The feeling that love, kindness, or abundance must be earned, never freely received

• Reluctance to ask for help, for fear of being “too much” or “a burden”

• Self-sacrifice: putting your needs last, over and over

• The quiet ache of invisibility, even in a crowd

  
  

Externally:

• Over giving, overworking, and never allowing yourself to rest

• Difficulty setting boundaries—saying yes when you want to say no

• Attracting relationships or situations where your needs are ignored

• Downplaying achievements or dismissing compliments

• Staying in situations that drain you, feeling you “should” be grateful

  
  

The Inner Voice of Unworthiness

It might whisper:

• “Don’t ask for too much.”

• “Who do you think you are?”

• “You’re lucky to have anything at all.”

• “If they really knew you, they’d leave.”

  
  

Over time, these scripts become familiar—and quietly shape every decision, dream, and relationship.

Do You Recognize This Wound?

• Do you struggle to receive—compliments, gifts, care—without guilt or deflection?

• Do you push yourself harder than you would ever expect of someone else?

• Is it hard to believe you deserve happiness, rest, or love without “earning it”?

  
  

If you feel a pang of recognition, you’re not alone. This wound is common—and it is not the truth of who you are.

Healing the “I Am Unworthy” Wound

Awareness is the first step. Notice when the old story arises—especially around receiving or asking for what you need. Gently question it: “Is this true? Would I say this to someone I love?”

Practice receiving. Allow yourself to accept praise, help, and kindness—even if it feels uncomfortable at first. Let “thank you” be enough.

Set small boundaries. Start saying no to what drains you, and yes to what nourishes you. Worth is not earned by exhaustion or self-denial.

Self-compassion and affirmation. Remind yourself daily: “I am worthy of love, care, and respect—simply because I exist.”

Seek support. Healing old wounds can be hard to do alone. Reach out to safe friends, a coach, or therapist who sees your worth, even when you can’t.

Over time, new evidence builds: you are worthy, just as you are. Worthiness is your birthright—not a prize you win.

With you in the messy middle,

Sarah